I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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