Joe is yelling at the trees again.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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