I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
