i love accidental penises.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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