is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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