never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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