i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
