So drunk its hurt
I am puke
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I pour the whiskey from now on
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
