Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
