I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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