so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize