Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
