Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
