9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
