There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
