hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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