I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
