hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
