the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
