if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
now i know why i became what i already was.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
