i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
