Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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