my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
where are you?
Hypothermia
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Randomize
