omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
