when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize