why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My vagina is officially offended.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
