It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
