everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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