I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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