Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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