are you still at the devil's house?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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