I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
