you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I love you. Go after that dick
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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