Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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