He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
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