I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
