Sponge bath it is.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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