i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
