I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
