? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Randomize
