man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
