You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
