He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
