he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
