thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
