DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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