he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
