Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
