; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
