literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
