OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
