I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
