Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
