Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
