I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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