my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
