she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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