Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
