you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
