i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
