Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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