I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
