She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
