and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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