I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
