i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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