he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
