The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
