He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
