I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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