I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
