Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
