There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
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