i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
