I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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