I haven't been this sober since birth.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
