I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
