Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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