I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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