I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
