at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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