Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
