The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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