Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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