I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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