yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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